Tis the season

Is it just me or is this Christmas one of the best? Ok so maybe my life isnt perfect but right now its damn near close.

Things are moving along nicely with stepson at biomoms. Of course with me being someone who can only put up with so much for only a limited amount of time befor I speak my mind. BioMom and myself have butt heads a couple times. But hey Being the mom for the last almost 7 years when she wasnt . I Think Ive earnd the right to stand up and say something when I think I see something thats wrong. I've earnd that right DAMNIT *Folds arms and stomps foot* But in the end. Hubby bear and myself are going to be the bigger people and reassure stepson every chance that even though he dosnt live with us we still love him. No matter what she says about us to or around him.

Lil man is getting really excited for friday . Man it dosnt seem like its right around the corner. But hey at least it'll be over that much sooner. Yes Im one of those people that hate this hoilday season. Its turned into almost every other hoilday and is all about money and what are you getting and giving. Me I really only get stuff for like the kids and hubby bear and parents. The rest of the family gets yearly photos of Lil man. Because to me this hoilday should be about being thankful for what we already have and who we have in our lives. Not about Oh whos sending me what. Shoot my Birthday was this past sunday and even thought the only one that got me something was my mom(Gifts) Dad( Money ) and Grandma(Money) It was the one of the best birthdays Ive had in a long time untill later in the day. Even if I wouldnt have gotten anything it was nice just knowing everyone was thinking about me and everything was calm. Yes I had to work but hey it was ok . Easy day till Bio mom started her drama and I was ready to walk from everything. Like I said. Theres only so much I can take of something befor I do something. 7 years of putting up with something gives me the right to say Im done with the situation thats causing me stress and nothing but heartbreak. So thats eactlly what I did. Wont go into details but yea the ending of my bday sucked but the rest was great.

Lil man should be happy with his load from santa , Momma and daddy and all the others that love him. Of course he only vagely gets what the whole santa thing is but it should still be a nice day.

His birthday is right around the corner and Hubby bear and myself are planning this great day for him. Baltamore Aquir. Then come home to a new puppy. Were gonna go look at this one place that has pure breed puppys , Yes its pricy but hey pure breeds plus there entire history and all shots and everything taken care of to me its worth the money , To see what type Lil man is intrested in. Itll be a fun day. Reminds me I need to request off work.

Cant believe this year is almost over. Can honesly say it didnt start out the best but its seeming to turn into a great one. Next year Im pretty sure will take for ever to end because of the two MAJOR things going on in the next couple months and right after the new year a year away. But all in all it should be a great one. At least Im hoping. Thats all a girl can do right?

HAPPY HOILDAYS EVERYONE

life as we know it

Is finally starting to settle into what feels normal. We took StepSon to BioMoms last friday. Went to eat and let him pick what ever he wanted. Then headed up for the 3-4 hour drive. Which I can proudly announce I only slept alittle bit. Once we got there we helped him get settled in and let the boys play together for alittle bit longer while the adults looked over the agreement I had typed and printed up then we all said our goodbyes. Actually leaving without him and knowing it would be months befor seeing him was the hardest for all of us. Even Lil man was rather quiet. So Im thinking deep down he knew what was happening. But we kept reminding ourselves that even though we know its whats best for him it still sucked for us. Its been a full week and even though the sudden shock of not having him here and the little things we missed just at the strangest times. But we have finally grown into a pattern. Both Hubby Bear and Lil man will most likely drive up there for stepsons bday to spend some time with him. I will saddly most likely be working.

I along with Lil mans teachers have noticed that within the last week his speach has improved. He is acting out though. But thinking its just him trying to get use to being the only kid full time in the house. If that makes sense. All of us have pretty much been sick within the last week. I am finally getting over mine.

Think with everything calming down I am finally getting into the Holiday Spirt. Dont know if it had been broken or bruised or was just plain hiding but untill this week my spirt for the holiday was gone. Didnt want anything to do with this time of year. Yes my bday including. But in the last week we have taken lil man to see santa. And Im all up for wraping gifts. We wont have a xmas tree but thats ok. Lil mans still so young that he only really cares about the gifts. We were thinking about getting lil man a bike for xmas but we are going ot get it for his bday. Im just glad we were able to get all the boys gifts already and take stepsons up to bio moms so we know hell have them when he wakes up xmas morning. Thats gonna be another bittersweet day but well try to make it the best. At least we get him next Xmas. Thinking Im gonna try to go find a REALLY cheap tree with the money I was gonna use towards getting a bike. If anything Im gonna go get this really cute cookie plate from Cracker Barrell so we can do cookies and milk for santa. Hope santa likes Soymilk.

BitterSweet

Thats all that can really describe my life right now. Im not going to be all dramtic right now. Theres no reason for it. It IS my life. And even if right now it is not perfect. I will handle everything with my head held high and the ones that TRULLY love me by my side.

Last week was great for the most part. My grandparents visited from Colo. I had to work pretty much everyday they were here. But hey. Thats what you gotta do when you work for someone else. I enjoyed every moment of being with them. Even if no one was talking . lol . I do have to say that even though I love getting older.... *Cough*I mean now that Im an adult. Its hard to see the people youve loved your entire life growing older. I had to work Thanksgiving but thankfully my family agreed it would be better to wait a day and have me there then have it without me. THANK YOU again for that .Step Son was with Bio moms parents for most of the week.

Friday we will be taking Step son up to Bio Moms to live. It will be hard. Because yes Ive had a really hard time growing a mother son bond with him, Theres many many reasons for this. I have pretty much raised him since I was 17 and him 13 months. And now Im going on 24 and hes going on 8. He is one of my sons. But both Hubby bear and myself know that right now this isnt the place for him. His attention seeking is getting worse and worse and with him going to school and getting me introuble with the state were not sure what else to do. So maybe with bio mom he will get all the attention he needs and wants. I can honestly say that we have had many many talks about whats the right thing for him. And even thought in the end we think him living with her is the right thing it will trully be weird not having him here full time. Yes something that only time with take but it will still be strange. At least we know that she will be able to take care of him. We would not send him to someone or where that was not safe or a good thing for him.

Well it seems each day our family grow smaller and smaller. Hubby bears family has pretty much turned their backs on us for the choice to send stepson to biomoms. There are very few of his family that say that they understand why we are doing this and supporting us. Even if they didnt understand and support this that is no reason for them to turn their backs on us. We knew this choice was going to be hard for some of them , seeing as really the only one they love and want anything to do with is being sent to bio moms. But even if you dont agree with something someone you love is doing . You should still be there for them. Well their choicing not to . And right about now. Even though it sucks it will be fine. They dont want anything to do with us . Well then we wont even bother with them. Hubby bear is really hurting about this but he is seeing their true colors finally. They will know where to find us when and if they wish to try again but we wont be begging them for any type of relationship. Just really feel bad for Lil man.


Life is alittle crazy right now. But how do you ever learn to enjoy the good if you never endure the bad??

What can I say .....

Yesterday just pretty much sucked all around.

I mean dont get me wrong it had its good points and its great points but pretty much all around it sucked.

Yesterday when I was getting lil man ready for school ,Someone calls my cell. I didnt know the number but it was local and with everything going on with my moms cell and having to call from work alot I thought it was her. Man was I wrong. It turns out that it was Children and youth..... Yep thats right . Those evil little SOB's that can take your children away for the smallest reason. My heart stoped. This is not the first time weve had them called on us. YEARS ago . My step son was stay with his Maternal grandparents and recieved a hand shaped bruise. While he was in custody of them. They called them on us. If that isnt twisted I dont know what is. The lady came to our house and everything was fine. Well this past weekend he stayed at the same grandparents house for the first time in years. and yes tuesday there is another bruise on him. But heres the kicker , They didnt call it on us . THE SCHOOL DID . My step son decided to lie about me telling them I hit him. Yes this is a lie. He will even tell you he lied. But because of the law ANY and ALL signs of child abuse must be reported. I fully respect this law. I am sure it saves MANY children from Situations they chouldnt be in. But this is not one of those cases. I DO NOT hit my children. The most Ive done to stepson since hes been back from his grandparents is given him hugs. I mean if theres something wrong with that please let me know and Ill never hug anyone. Ever . But man.... Lets just say all My patient with him is gone. For a few months now he has been getting worse and worse and hes even doing it to his father now. Which im thankful for so that way hubby bear is finally believeing be when I tell him hes doing these things. I know everyone( hubby bears family ) seems to think this child is perfect but I agree with hubby bear when he says " They all think hes this perfect angel when in reality hes the complete ops" Now dont get me wrong. This child has some good points. He can be a GREAT child when he Wants to. After all of this the guy came. Sall the house and sall how lil man is and Declared it "Unfounded". But just the fact that they were investgating ME . Not us . ME . Is enought that I just cant handle it anymore. Im losing myself because of my step son and I cant handle it anymore. And I think its safe to say that neither can Hubby bear. So on Dec 4th. Step son will be living with bio mom. I feel bad for hubby bear because yes this is his first born and deep down he feels like he Failed him. Which I can totally understand. But he does finally see that step son needs some serious help and he isnt able to get that here. Maybe shell be able to give him what he needs.

Think you can guess after that my nerves were shot and I just wasnt up for anything. I even called off of work stating Family emergancy. Which I think that qualifies. But on a brighter note. I had my Big dr. Apt yesterday, Yes after everything with C&Y. I met with the main Dr. And another lady. They both seem really nice and willing to do what I need done to help me. So as long as I do everything I need to do And they can get what they need done. Im looking at a whole new life. I am still not telling many people but I have made the choice that once I get a set date and This will happen. I will tell everyone. Because I know I will need a strong support group.

Even though my nerves were shot and everything else I did get to spend the evening with Hubby bear which was nice. I know we were pretty much spent after what happend but it was nice to have that amount of time together.

But I guess I should head out and call around to see about apts and everything I need to get done. Lil mans Xmas pics come in today. The proofs looked great so Im hoping the actual Pictures will look even better. Oh yea and tonigth were going to see NEW MOON!!!!!!!!!! I cannot wait ot have some time with no kids but even more to see NEW MOON.

L8ters

Can you ?

Can you quit life?

I mean keep all the good that you have but just say To hell with it for the bad?

Theres some things coming up that I am nervous about but on the other hand really excited about.

Like this Dr. Apt tomorrow. It in itself is a HUGE step towards something Im hoping to get done. I couldnt be more scared if I tried. Thankfully Hubby bear will be there with me but UnThankfully Cpt.Kia is getting out of school early so he will be tagging along or Hubby bear will have to stay home to get him from school. Either way him getting out early is a huge pain but something we can handle. I am hoping and praying this apt goes well because if it does , It will mean a whole new life for me. No Im not getting divorced or leaving my children. It just means this will be a fresh start for me , myself and I without actually having to take a Fresh Start. Sorry but unlike someone else I know . I will never just up and leave my Son. But yes think its safe to say that Im alittle nervous about tomorrow . At least I get to go into work late. No matter how long the apt will last.

Friday me and hubby bear will be going to see NewMoon. Thanks mom for watching the boys this weekend. I know how much is going on with grandmas arrival the very next day. I have been waiting for this day for a year now. Since the day they anounced they would proceed with the Twilight series and make the next one. And then the one after that. Yes I am a TwiGeek. I love all the books but her Including "The Host" Which is rare because Im not really into the whole SciFyi Thing. Im more fantasy and things like that. But its a great book and even more THERE MAKING IT INTO A MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Cant wait.

Next week will be filled with great times as my grandmother that I havnt seen in YEARS will be coming to stay for a week. I know this is just the thing myself and my mom need right now as my mom is going trew a rather hard and emotinal time right now. I wont go into details right now but lets just say Even though we all sall it come I think in some way its Effecting everyone in one way or another. But yes. Even though I will have to work in the evenings I will be able to spend most of the time with her. And even though Im working thanksgiving well be doing a whole big thing the next day. But I think it works out this way because I get paid Time and Half and Grandma wants to watch football on thanksgiving and well.... Simply put... I could care less about football. Other then the guys butts look REALLY good in those pants. Love you hunny.

I am proud to Admit that 99% of my Xmas shopping is done. Got all the kids and hubbys gifts. Hubby has already recieved them. If you know anything about me . You know I suck at waiting to give gifts. ITs even harder when I live in the same house hold. The kids Im fine with waiting because well There kids. But for others its REALLY hard for me to wait. Which is why usally everyone gets them ahead of time. But at least I give everyone a choice as to when they want it. Usally they say just wait .

Theres some stuff going on with Hubby bears family. Some words were said to us that were rather hurtful and plain just pissed us off. I sent out a email to most of my family . Basiclly to update everyone on whats going to be happening within the next couple months with the move and Cpt.Kia moving to Bio Moms . And then there was a Xmas wishlist for those that had asked for it or wanted it. Well lets just saying Without having all the facts a family member we thought we could always count on Attacked us and pretty much shuned us. I will not be going to this family memebers home for a LONGGGGGGGGGGGG time. We knew some people would think ill of our choice but the way she handled it was Wrong. But its Fianlly clear to hubby bear what Im been telling him all along how they've favord one child over the other. But thats ok. I dont need them and neither does Lil Man.

Anyways. Guess Im done ranting and raving . Just wanted to give everyone a kindof update.
Its the hoilday season so Im expecting life to get crazy but I can hope and pray its the good kinda crazy

Wow

Ok so wow.... Guess we can take that statement about wanting to post more often and just trow it out the window. I have been trying harder to do it . I visit my blog Daily to read others blogs but everytime I go to click on " New Post" I pause trying to figure out what I would write about that wouldnt bore the complete crap out of anyone.

But thats the whole thing ..... Life has been somewhat calm. Nothing to large going on. Of course I have things in the works. But untill I know for sure I will not be writing about them.

Untill we know for sure about said issue above plans to move back are still on. This gets me giddy all over with excitement. But let me tell you something. There are some things and places up here in Yankie Land that I will trully miss. I know this and have accepted this as the fact that you cant have your cake and eat it too. Its ok because I know Ill be back to visit . And visit I will. Maybe not that often but Lil mans and Hubby bears family is up here so of course we will be back from time to time and in those times I will partake on the things I have missed so much.

Everytime I go to a store I see something and im like " Ohhh maybe I could get that and keep it in the pkg and just take it with me. Like we all know that this is the only place the stores are. Yep thats right. Deep down Im a pack rat. Hate it but its my lil secret. But Ive made a goal to not take anything with us down there that we dont need. Because trust me . We have a whole shed of boxes that quite frankly half of the stuff we could probly get rid of.

Halloweens this weekend and Im off for trick or treat. Im excited about this. I think the boys are too. I wounder what type of candy well get. I wont be dressing up friday but I will be saterday for work. Im going as a Texas Longhorn Fan. And in the Yankie Philly fans I know Ill get yelled at . But everyone I work with think its a cute idea. So Im going with it. Dont count on pictures because right now I am in no mood for pictures.

I guess thats about it.

The winds of change are a blown.....

Yep thats right. Things are most deff going to be diffrent in my life here very shortly. Ok so not that shortly but hey considering how long they could have taken its a short time.

As I sit here fighting the little demons that have taken over my body forcing everything I eat back into the world they have just left. I would like to inform the people of the internet that within the next year this Misplaced Texan crawling along the lands with the yankies will once again be a TEXAN!!!! Yep thats right you wounderful people. In the past couple of weeks my little family has taken fate into their own hands and are going to be changing things around yet again.

I will be taking lil man with me to texas. Staying with a dear dear friend and her little family which I have known for years upon years. I will be going to the course she is now taking to finally enter into the medical feild. Even is its one of the lowest members in the feild I will still finally be entering it and then from there see if I want to move up. A dear dear friend of mine that is much more like a sister then a friend will be watching lil man while Im in classes. Hubby bear isnt too trilled with this fact because indeed the friend who will be doing the watching is the sister of someone from my past . Which is too remain in my past.... And then I will be working in the medical field as well as lil man will be in a school system I trust because well simply put its one I went to . And hey ... I didnt turn out too bad. Granted if I were to ever go on that smarter then a 5th grader show I would totatlly flunk out. Hubby bear on the other hand would pass with flying colors . Really need to see about getting him on there. While me and lil man are down there hubby bear will be staying up here in yankie land just to insure we have a stable income while Im down HOME persuing my dream. Then once I have enterd yet again the ranks of the working people and save up enought he will be joining me. This is a very hard thing for him to do because he has been a yankie his entire life. AND NO HUBBY BEAR S.C. DOES NOT COUNT. On a plus note for hubby bear .... Hell be hearing a lot more of my accient since it only comes out when Im around others with them . And hell be able to grill all year long and not get looked at like he should be forced to go visit the nice men that give all their nice new friends very stylish coats with all the pretty belts and shiny things.

This is a bitter sweet for us . It will be pretty much the first time Ive lived longer then a 20 min drive from my momma. This scares the crap outta be because Ive always know even if I dont live with her if I ever need her shes just right there. But hopefully me moving with lil man will finally give her that push shes been looking for to fulfill her dream of moving back. true, Shes going to be moving longer then 20 mins from where ill be moving but it will still be closer then 26 hour drive. Another thing that is scarry is while im down there befor hubby bear moves down Ill trully be alone. Yes Im very thankful to have my great friends there to help but still be on my own.

Even with all the scary things Ive mentioned and kept silent theres so much good thats going to come from this. All of us trully believe this is going to be the right thing for us. Maybe it will and maybe it wont but well never know untill we try it. And if we fail then at least we can say we tried.