Tis the season

Is it just me or is this Christmas one of the best? Ok so maybe my life isnt perfect but right now its damn near close.

Things are moving along nicely with stepson at biomoms. Of course with me being someone who can only put up with so much for only a limited amount of time befor I speak my mind. BioMom and myself have butt heads a couple times. But hey Being the mom for the last almost 7 years when she wasnt . I Think Ive earnd the right to stand up and say something when I think I see something thats wrong. I've earnd that right DAMNIT *Folds arms and stomps foot* But in the end. Hubby bear and myself are going to be the bigger people and reassure stepson every chance that even though he dosnt live with us we still love him. No matter what she says about us to or around him.

Lil man is getting really excited for friday . Man it dosnt seem like its right around the corner. But hey at least it'll be over that much sooner. Yes Im one of those people that hate this hoilday season. Its turned into almost every other hoilday and is all about money and what are you getting and giving. Me I really only get stuff for like the kids and hubby bear and parents. The rest of the family gets yearly photos of Lil man. Because to me this hoilday should be about being thankful for what we already have and who we have in our lives. Not about Oh whos sending me what. Shoot my Birthday was this past sunday and even thought the only one that got me something was my mom(Gifts) Dad( Money ) and Grandma(Money) It was the one of the best birthdays Ive had in a long time untill later in the day. Even if I wouldnt have gotten anything it was nice just knowing everyone was thinking about me and everything was calm. Yes I had to work but hey it was ok . Easy day till Bio mom started her drama and I was ready to walk from everything. Like I said. Theres only so much I can take of something befor I do something. 7 years of putting up with something gives me the right to say Im done with the situation thats causing me stress and nothing but heartbreak. So thats eactlly what I did. Wont go into details but yea the ending of my bday sucked but the rest was great.

Lil man should be happy with his load from santa , Momma and daddy and all the others that love him. Of course he only vagely gets what the whole santa thing is but it should still be a nice day.

His birthday is right around the corner and Hubby bear and myself are planning this great day for him. Baltamore Aquir. Then come home to a new puppy. Were gonna go look at this one place that has pure breed puppys , Yes its pricy but hey pure breeds plus there entire history and all shots and everything taken care of to me its worth the money , To see what type Lil man is intrested in. Itll be a fun day. Reminds me I need to request off work.

Cant believe this year is almost over. Can honesly say it didnt start out the best but its seeming to turn into a great one. Next year Im pretty sure will take for ever to end because of the two MAJOR things going on in the next couple months and right after the new year a year away. But all in all it should be a great one. At least Im hoping. Thats all a girl can do right?

HAPPY HOILDAYS EVERYONE

life as we know it

Is finally starting to settle into what feels normal. We took StepSon to BioMoms last friday. Went to eat and let him pick what ever he wanted. Then headed up for the 3-4 hour drive. Which I can proudly announce I only slept alittle bit. Once we got there we helped him get settled in and let the boys play together for alittle bit longer while the adults looked over the agreement I had typed and printed up then we all said our goodbyes. Actually leaving without him and knowing it would be months befor seeing him was the hardest for all of us. Even Lil man was rather quiet. So Im thinking deep down he knew what was happening. But we kept reminding ourselves that even though we know its whats best for him it still sucked for us. Its been a full week and even though the sudden shock of not having him here and the little things we missed just at the strangest times. But we have finally grown into a pattern. Both Hubby Bear and Lil man will most likely drive up there for stepsons bday to spend some time with him. I will saddly most likely be working.

I along with Lil mans teachers have noticed that within the last week his speach has improved. He is acting out though. But thinking its just him trying to get use to being the only kid full time in the house. If that makes sense. All of us have pretty much been sick within the last week. I am finally getting over mine.

Think with everything calming down I am finally getting into the Holiday Spirt. Dont know if it had been broken or bruised or was just plain hiding but untill this week my spirt for the holiday was gone. Didnt want anything to do with this time of year. Yes my bday including. But in the last week we have taken lil man to see santa. And Im all up for wraping gifts. We wont have a xmas tree but thats ok. Lil mans still so young that he only really cares about the gifts. We were thinking about getting lil man a bike for xmas but we are going ot get it for his bday. Im just glad we were able to get all the boys gifts already and take stepsons up to bio moms so we know hell have them when he wakes up xmas morning. Thats gonna be another bittersweet day but well try to make it the best. At least we get him next Xmas. Thinking Im gonna try to go find a REALLY cheap tree with the money I was gonna use towards getting a bike. If anything Im gonna go get this really cute cookie plate from Cracker Barrell so we can do cookies and milk for santa. Hope santa likes Soymilk.

BitterSweet

Thats all that can really describe my life right now. Im not going to be all dramtic right now. Theres no reason for it. It IS my life. And even if right now it is not perfect. I will handle everything with my head held high and the ones that TRULLY love me by my side.

Last week was great for the most part. My grandparents visited from Colo. I had to work pretty much everyday they were here. But hey. Thats what you gotta do when you work for someone else. I enjoyed every moment of being with them. Even if no one was talking . lol . I do have to say that even though I love getting older.... *Cough*I mean now that Im an adult. Its hard to see the people youve loved your entire life growing older. I had to work Thanksgiving but thankfully my family agreed it would be better to wait a day and have me there then have it without me. THANK YOU again for that .Step Son was with Bio moms parents for most of the week.

Friday we will be taking Step son up to Bio Moms to live. It will be hard. Because yes Ive had a really hard time growing a mother son bond with him, Theres many many reasons for this. I have pretty much raised him since I was 17 and him 13 months. And now Im going on 24 and hes going on 8. He is one of my sons. But both Hubby bear and myself know that right now this isnt the place for him. His attention seeking is getting worse and worse and with him going to school and getting me introuble with the state were not sure what else to do. So maybe with bio mom he will get all the attention he needs and wants. I can honestly say that we have had many many talks about whats the right thing for him. And even thought in the end we think him living with her is the right thing it will trully be weird not having him here full time. Yes something that only time with take but it will still be strange. At least we know that she will be able to take care of him. We would not send him to someone or where that was not safe or a good thing for him.

Well it seems each day our family grow smaller and smaller. Hubby bears family has pretty much turned their backs on us for the choice to send stepson to biomoms. There are very few of his family that say that they understand why we are doing this and supporting us. Even if they didnt understand and support this that is no reason for them to turn their backs on us. We knew this choice was going to be hard for some of them , seeing as really the only one they love and want anything to do with is being sent to bio moms. But even if you dont agree with something someone you love is doing . You should still be there for them. Well their choicing not to . And right about now. Even though it sucks it will be fine. They dont want anything to do with us . Well then we wont even bother with them. Hubby bear is really hurting about this but he is seeing their true colors finally. They will know where to find us when and if they wish to try again but we wont be begging them for any type of relationship. Just really feel bad for Lil man.


Life is alittle crazy right now. But how do you ever learn to enjoy the good if you never endure the bad??