Monday, August 24, 2009

Its all the same

Ok So maybe Im listening to a song right now but it pretty much explains my life. Not too much has changed since the last time I have written. Friday night I pretty much had , had it with being married trew texting. So much that I told hubby bear I didnt want to do it anymore. Thankfully we took the time and discussed the issues and know that its not what either of us want but infact something were willing to work on even more. So going into work Friday I knew it would be my last day . I knew that I am not able to be wounder woman. Working two jobs and making my family and marriage work. Its not possiable. I mean yes if I Had to then of course I would. With no protest on my side. But Im bringing in enought money with my full time job to cover all of the bills that I have taken on since starting back into the work force.

So I am sadly waiting untill I put the boys down for " Relaxation time " befor I can and give her the bad news. I hate doing things like this. I hate quiting from anything but I know when enought is enought of one thing that I have to step away. I know what situation this is going to leave her in but her having to find someone to cover my shifts untill she gets someone new is alot simpler then more issues in my personal life. It still sucks But what else can I do?

So Im starting something new. Im gonna start netrisystem. I have never been tiny. Ever. That was something Ive always delt with" Being the bigger friend" I was fine with that because even thought I ate what I wanted I was always doing something when I was younger. From Walking everywhere to swiming and skating. I was hardly home as a teen and I think my parents enjoyed this. Of course there were times I was home and didnt want to do anything but common. Thats everyone. But now that Im older and have children and work full time I never really have the time to do things like that. Not to mention I have a car and my son hates anybig pools of water . A fact Im hoping to change in the near future. So in result of this I have not really been able to lost the weight that I have (Fought all the way ) gained. From Joinging Gyms, Taking diet pills such as alli and Acai. To crash dieting. I lost quite a bit about a year ago. I loved the way I felt then once we moved into our own place it slowly sneaked back. Then I was left woundering what the best route would be. So I tried somethings once more to have no results at all. Think my bodys trying to tell me it will do almost everything once but not again. This is my last chance befor something drastic must be done. I know Im not healthy like this. Im awear of this along with how I hate looking in the mirror. I feel like its someone else looking back at me. That is one of the worst feelings when you look in the mirror and you know the person you are is traped under something else. So Im doing this for me . To make me healiter. I am praying to god it helps. Even if I dont get to my goal weight Im hoping I lost some of this extra skin that has formed my outter layer. Everyone keep me in your prayers please. And Ill keep everyone up to date.