What can I say .....

Yesterday just pretty much sucked all around.

I mean dont get me wrong it had its good points and its great points but pretty much all around it sucked.

Yesterday when I was getting lil man ready for school ,Someone calls my cell. I didnt know the number but it was local and with everything going on with my moms cell and having to call from work alot I thought it was her. Man was I wrong. It turns out that it was Children and youth..... Yep thats right . Those evil little SOB's that can take your children away for the smallest reason. My heart stoped. This is not the first time weve had them called on us. YEARS ago . My step son was stay with his Maternal grandparents and recieved a hand shaped bruise. While he was in custody of them. They called them on us. If that isnt twisted I dont know what is. The lady came to our house and everything was fine. Well this past weekend he stayed at the same grandparents house for the first time in years. and yes tuesday there is another bruise on him. But heres the kicker , They didnt call it on us . THE SCHOOL DID . My step son decided to lie about me telling them I hit him. Yes this is a lie. He will even tell you he lied. But because of the law ANY and ALL signs of child abuse must be reported. I fully respect this law. I am sure it saves MANY children from Situations they chouldnt be in. But this is not one of those cases. I DO NOT hit my children. The most Ive done to stepson since hes been back from his grandparents is given him hugs. I mean if theres something wrong with that please let me know and Ill never hug anyone. Ever . But man.... Lets just say all My patient with him is gone. For a few months now he has been getting worse and worse and hes even doing it to his father now. Which im thankful for so that way hubby bear is finally believeing be when I tell him hes doing these things. I know everyone( hubby bears family ) seems to think this child is perfect but I agree with hubby bear when he says " They all think hes this perfect angel when in reality hes the complete ops" Now dont get me wrong. This child has some good points. He can be a GREAT child when he Wants to. After all of this the guy came. Sall the house and sall how lil man is and Declared it "Unfounded". But just the fact that they were investgating ME . Not us . ME . Is enought that I just cant handle it anymore. Im losing myself because of my step son and I cant handle it anymore. And I think its safe to say that neither can Hubby bear. So on Dec 4th. Step son will be living with bio mom. I feel bad for hubby bear because yes this is his first born and deep down he feels like he Failed him. Which I can totally understand. But he does finally see that step son needs some serious help and he isnt able to get that here. Maybe shell be able to give him what he needs.

Think you can guess after that my nerves were shot and I just wasnt up for anything. I even called off of work stating Family emergancy. Which I think that qualifies. But on a brighter note. I had my Big dr. Apt yesterday, Yes after everything with C&Y. I met with the main Dr. And another lady. They both seem really nice and willing to do what I need done to help me. So as long as I do everything I need to do And they can get what they need done. Im looking at a whole new life. I am still not telling many people but I have made the choice that once I get a set date and This will happen. I will tell everyone. Because I know I will need a strong support group.

Even though my nerves were shot and everything else I did get to spend the evening with Hubby bear which was nice. I know we were pretty much spent after what happend but it was nice to have that amount of time together.

But I guess I should head out and call around to see about apts and everything I need to get done. Lil mans Xmas pics come in today. The proofs looked great so Im hoping the actual Pictures will look even better. Oh yea and tonigth were going to see NEW MOON!!!!!!!!!! I cannot wait ot have some time with no kids but even more to see NEW MOON.

L8ters

Can you ?

Can you quit life?

I mean keep all the good that you have but just say To hell with it for the bad?

Theres some things coming up that I am nervous about but on the other hand really excited about.

Like this Dr. Apt tomorrow. It in itself is a HUGE step towards something Im hoping to get done. I couldnt be more scared if I tried. Thankfully Hubby bear will be there with me but UnThankfully Cpt.Kia is getting out of school early so he will be tagging along or Hubby bear will have to stay home to get him from school. Either way him getting out early is a huge pain but something we can handle. I am hoping and praying this apt goes well because if it does , It will mean a whole new life for me. No Im not getting divorced or leaving my children. It just means this will be a fresh start for me , myself and I without actually having to take a Fresh Start. Sorry but unlike someone else I know . I will never just up and leave my Son. But yes think its safe to say that Im alittle nervous about tomorrow . At least I get to go into work late. No matter how long the apt will last.

Friday me and hubby bear will be going to see NewMoon. Thanks mom for watching the boys this weekend. I know how much is going on with grandmas arrival the very next day. I have been waiting for this day for a year now. Since the day they anounced they would proceed with the Twilight series and make the next one. And then the one after that. Yes I am a TwiGeek. I love all the books but her Including "The Host" Which is rare because Im not really into the whole SciFyi Thing. Im more fantasy and things like that. But its a great book and even more THERE MAKING IT INTO A MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Cant wait.

Next week will be filled with great times as my grandmother that I havnt seen in YEARS will be coming to stay for a week. I know this is just the thing myself and my mom need right now as my mom is going trew a rather hard and emotinal time right now. I wont go into details right now but lets just say Even though we all sall it come I think in some way its Effecting everyone in one way or another. But yes. Even though I will have to work in the evenings I will be able to spend most of the time with her. And even though Im working thanksgiving well be doing a whole big thing the next day. But I think it works out this way because I get paid Time and Half and Grandma wants to watch football on thanksgiving and well.... Simply put... I could care less about football. Other then the guys butts look REALLY good in those pants. Love you hunny.

I am proud to Admit that 99% of my Xmas shopping is done. Got all the kids and hubbys gifts. Hubby has already recieved them. If you know anything about me . You know I suck at waiting to give gifts. ITs even harder when I live in the same house hold. The kids Im fine with waiting because well There kids. But for others its REALLY hard for me to wait. Which is why usally everyone gets them ahead of time. But at least I give everyone a choice as to when they want it. Usally they say just wait .

Theres some stuff going on with Hubby bears family. Some words were said to us that were rather hurtful and plain just pissed us off. I sent out a email to most of my family . Basiclly to update everyone on whats going to be happening within the next couple months with the move and Cpt.Kia moving to Bio Moms . And then there was a Xmas wishlist for those that had asked for it or wanted it. Well lets just saying Without having all the facts a family member we thought we could always count on Attacked us and pretty much shuned us. I will not be going to this family memebers home for a LONGGGGGGGGGGGG time. We knew some people would think ill of our choice but the way she handled it was Wrong. But its Fianlly clear to hubby bear what Im been telling him all along how they've favord one child over the other. But thats ok. I dont need them and neither does Lil Man.

Anyways. Guess Im done ranting and raving . Just wanted to give everyone a kindof update.
Its the hoilday season so Im expecting life to get crazy but I can hope and pray its the good kinda crazy